I have been thinking about my friends and all the suffering and darkness they have endured...some were born into some very sad circumstances in which their tender hearts had to endure and find a way to hold on to hope. To all my friends, I hope your burdens are feeling a little lighter this new year.
Sometimes things just don't make any sense...why we have to endure such darkness at times is one of those things...I have travelled in darkness in my life off and on....I know the confusion, the questioning of one's self, the crazy-making, and of course, the hurt and pain the darkness from others causes. Sometimes it is hard to keep the hope and faith...But, I have learned, if you keep your eyes single to the Glory of God, keep them riveted on Him, He will lead you one step at a time out of the murky swamp and onto higher ground.
It is when you get out of the darkness and look back at the journey you just made, that you are able to marvel at your own divinity and grace and strength...which is the answer to the "why"....just think of this journey as a gift...because the refiner's fire is crafting a beautiful sculpture of your spirit and heart...one that won't be tarnished by others ever again once you make it through because once you make it through this, you will never doubt your divinity, your holiness, your beauty and the love that you are for yourself...you will know who you are with such a sureness that you will be filled with peace and love that no one will ever be able to take away from you without you allowing them to....This is the gift I was given this last time I made my journey out of the discouragement and the darkness passed....
The darkness is real. It is a battle over souls...souls which are precious beyond measure....Sometimes we have to physically get away from people who bring us the darkness i order to rest and to heal... I know the great pull to get away and to find rest and safety.
When I went through some of my deepest suffering, Heavenly Father told me to read my journals....they became my personal scriptures....my own words written years before taught me great truths and reminded me of who I was.
One thing I know for sure is that betrayal is the most hurtful of all hurt...especially when it comes from family or close friends. I used to read about Jesus and how his own disciples betrayed him and I would hear him whisper to me how His suffering was even greater than my own. Part of the purpose of Him allowing us to suffer so greatly is to qualify us for the blessings that are to come...which do come!
Relief will come...there were times in my life that I thought I couldn't endure much more...it was so lonely....I really gave up on Heavenly Father for a time...And He always sent me messages of hope and love and validation through people who became my angels. It was throught these people that I knew I was not abandoned and alone...
I learned that I have to just keep doing all the beautiful and creative things that make me ME. I told myself no to stop being sweet and kind and thoughtful because those were the very things which gave me strength and reminded myself of who I was inside. I learned to just listen....listen to myself...not to doubt myself...because I believe your Spirit will tell you the truth of all things and what your next steps should or should not be.
I love my life so much. I have been very blessed with a roof over my head, a great job, beautiful friends and family, creative talents and a good heart, and of course my puppies! The trick in this life is to always focus on the good. To focus on the light. To focus on forgiveness and love and respect which has to be a daily choice....one in which I don't always succeed in doing...but I keep trying.