On darkness...

I have been thinking about my friends and all the suffering and darkness they have endured...some were born into some very sad circumstances in which their tender hearts had to endure and find a way to hold on to hope. To all my friends, I hope your burdens are feeling a little lighter this new year.

Sometimes things just don't make any sense...why we have to endure such darkness at times is one of those things...I have travelled in darkness in my life off and on....I know the confusion, the questioning of one's self, the crazy-making, and of course, the hurt and pain the darkness from others causes. Sometimes it is hard to keep the hope and faith...But, I have learned, if you keep your eyes single to the Glory of God, keep them riveted on Him, He will lead you one step at a time out of the murky swamp and onto higher ground.

It is when you get out of the darkness and look back at the journey you just made, that you are able to marvel at your own divinity and grace and strength...which is the answer to the "why"....just think of this journey as a gift...because the refiner's fire is crafting a beautiful sculpture of your spirit and heart...one that won't be tarnished by others ever again once you make it through because once you make it through this, you will never doubt your divinity, your holiness, your beauty and the love that you are for yourself...you will know who you are with such a sureness that you will be filled with peace and love that no one will ever be able to take away from you without you allowing them to....This is the gift I was given this last time I made my journey out of the discouragement and the darkness passed....

The darkness is real. It is a battle over souls...souls which are precious beyond measure....Sometimes we have to physically get away from people who bring us the darkness i order to rest and to heal... I know the great pull to get away and to find rest and safety.

When I went through some of my deepest suffering, Heavenly Father told me to read my journals....they became my personal scriptures....my own words written years before taught me great truths and reminded me of who I was.

One thing I know for sure is that betrayal is the most hurtful of all hurt...especially when it comes from family or close friends. I used to read about Jesus and how his own disciples betrayed him and I would hear him whisper to me how His suffering was even greater than my own. Part of the purpose of Him allowing us to suffer so greatly is to qualify us for the blessings that are to come...which do come!

Relief will come...there were times in my life that I thought I couldn't endure much more...it was so lonely....I really gave up on Heavenly Father for a time...And He always sent me messages of hope and love and validation through people who became my angels. It was throught these people that I knew I was not abandoned and alone...

I learned that I have to just keep doing all the beautiful and creative things that make me ME. I told myself no to stop being sweet and kind and thoughtful because those were the very things which gave me strength and reminded myself of who I was inside. I learned to just listen....listen to myself...not to doubt myself...because I believe your Spirit will tell you the truth of all things and what your next steps should or should not be.

I love my life so much. I have been very blessed with a roof over my head, a great job, beautiful friends and family, creative talents and a good heart, and of course my puppies! The trick in this life is to always focus on the good. To focus on the light. To focus on forgiveness and love and respect which has to be a daily choice....one in which I don't always succeed in doing...but I keep trying.

Old Friends

Old Friends


there’s hearts filled with laughter
and eyes moved to tears
with memories so vivid
transcending the years
the words of compassion
and actions so kind
the sun smiles down, when
old friends come to mind


I’ve counted my blessings
and shuffled my dreams
and sang to the music
of deep forest streams
searching for places
the light always shined
like deep in my soul, when
old friends come to mind


I count you among
all the guides on the path
who loved me and taught me
to dream and to laugh
when I reach my heaven
I know that I’ll find
this heaven was built
by old friends, I call mine…


By Jim Morton

On the power of creativity

"No matter what your age or your life path, whether making art is your career or your hobby or your dream, it is not too late or too egotistical or too selfish or too silly to work on your creativity." ( Julia Cameron)


I am no expert on teaching nor on creativity. But just over a year ago, in the midst of feeling jaded by life and feeling quite dark and alone despite being surrounded daily with the beautiful first grade children I was teaching, I opened an email which invited elementary teachers to apply to attend the first annual Arts Academy for Teachers at Brigham Young University. Immediately, I thought of all the very creative teachers I work with and thought that they should apply for this. If I were more creative, I would apply. Throughout the following week, thoughts of the Arts Academy wouldn't leave my mind. I finally convinced myself to fill out the application and send it in. I wasn't expecting to be accepted. By some miracle I was accepted into the program!

The first day we met, I realized I was in a room filled with music, visual arts and theater teachers and specialists. I was just a regular classroom teacher. I felt intimidated and a bit foolish for being there. But I soon learned that these wonderful people spoke a language that my heart understood. It was such a safe environment and the more I allowed myself to take creative risks the more I was tapping into something deep inside myself.

There is something about switching from the role of being teacher to one of student. In the Arts Academy program we were being asked to allow ourselves to let loose and be creative as we were comfortable in doing. We drew, painted, danced, played musical instruments, wrote and filmed our own short movies and did theater games. It was scary taking risks and letting go of worrying what I looked like. I found, though, when I did, there was an amazing energy, light, and total happiness that filled me! I would come back to work from going to my classes and tell my girlfriends that these classes were cathartic. It was like going to a retreat once a month and coming back filled with light and wonder and creative ideas that I couldn't wait to share with my own students.

When I began to see how much my heart had changed, how my outlook on life had improved from using my creativity, I needed to learn more. It was about that same time that I was told about the master's program of Integrating the Arts in Education at Lesley University in Boston. I knew that I must be a part of this program. I applied and was accepted within a couple of weeks. I was never so sure of something before.

I started my Master's program a year ago, and the time has literally flown by. I can't believe we will be done in January of 2009. I truly believe that teaching through the arts taps into a spiritual aspect of ones soul. I have witnessed it in myself and with my own students. I believe that this will be the next movement in education. As one of my favorite authors states "...as we are creative beings, our lives become our work of art." (Julia Cameron)

Creativity is our true nature, it is what is spiritual inside of us, and by using our creativity we are tapping into that which is divine and innate within us. (It is interesting to note the words creativity and Creator.) The possibilities are endless. Our biggest obstacles to overcome are to slow down, turn off the noise around us, shut off our minds and listen to our hearts, and allow the creativity to flow. I'll leave with a thought from Albert Einstein on this subject, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

Playing around with Photobooth

My sister's kids and I had fun with this!